Bridges Burned
by Myriad-13
Summary: One-shot Complete: While the allure of New York is strong, it can break even the strongest of souls. Stella finally reveals to Lindsay just why and how this great city caused her to leave for New Orleans. Stella is a little OOC.


**A/N: You know how Stella was hardly mentioned in the show since the beginning of season 7? There has to be an explanation. So, as my mind does, it made up an out there theory of just why. **

**Characters: **Lindsay Messer, Stella Bonasera, Mac Taylor& Danny Messer (minor)

**Set: **Set during late season 7 or season 8.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Stella is OOC. Slightly angsty.

**Disclaimer: **I do not in any way own CSI NY or affiliates. I'm using the characters to no profit but for fun.

* * *

**Bridges Burned**

* * *

Lindsay fought her tears of frustration.

Even though up on the roof of the building the lab it was unlikely anyone would see them, and it was unlikely anyone but Danny or Mac would find her here, she didn't want to cry.

She had survived a psycho gunman at 14.

She survived many takedowns and dangerous situations as a cop in both Montana and New York. She survived a building explosion in her first year of being in New York; a snake bite; facing the man who killed her friends in court; she survived Danny dumping her and then sleeping with another woman. When they got back together, she got through her pregnancy without much complaint or self pity. The birth itself was something she was very proud of doing without much pain medication. She had been her husband's strength when he had been shot in the back with only a 10% chance of walking again. Then, she withstood the Shane Casey drama – having to shoot him to save her daughter and the subsequent emotional turmoil.

She would get through this too.

It was just a friendship that had faded after all.

But…

Stella had been her mentor.

Stella had been her guide, the one to pull her up when needed and the one to encourage her vigorous reconstructions and scientific demonstrations. Stella had meant a lot to her. She thought that their friendship would endure Stella's move to New Orleans and that they would remain in contact enough so that when they met again it wasn't awkward. And it had been like that for the first six months. They had e-mailed each other every week.

After six months, their correspondence was less frequent until Stella never replied to any of the emails she sent. Lindsay was concerned when she found out Danny, Don, and even Mac were all in the same boat as she was. A quick call to the New Orleans crime lab confirmed that Stella was still alive. She just was non-responsive to their enquiries.

They all had found it odd but let it go. They had assumed she had been busy.

Lindsay knew the truth now.

She had willingly forgotten them.

* * *

An hour earlier, the lab had received news that Stella was in New York and she was heading to the lab at this moment to work with the NYPD on a case that involved a member of the Senator for New Orleans' technical team being murdered and his body found in the Hudson river.

Excitement spread through the lab. Stella had been well remembered by most, especially the core team of CSI's. Even Mac came in from the field with Don Flack to make sure he was there when she arrived. No one had heard from her in over two years.

Lindsay was with Danny when the elevator doors had opened to reveal a very different Stella Bonasera to the one that had left two years ago. She had the same tan skin and green eyes, but her corkscrew curls weren't as thick and bouncy and their colour had lightened. Her posture was different. Less casual, more in control. The man next to her – although huge and muscular, physically intimidating – seemed to fade into the background due to her new confidence.

Mac came out of his office, smiling warmly.

It was the first indication that something was wrong when Stella didn't smile or go to Mac to embrace who used to be her closest friend. Instead, she stuck out her hand stiffly, as if they were meeting for the first time. Her words, now with a distinct southern lilt, carried down the corridor to where Lindsay and Danny were watching.

"Mac Taylor. Nice to see you again. I'm here about the Rothers case. This is my assistant Patrick."

That was it. It felt cold, and it was obvious to all that Mac was taken aback by this. Nevertheless, he shook her hand and welcomed her into his office to talk business. After a little while in the office, Mac, Stella, and Patrick exited the office and towards the lab where Lindsay and Danny were going over the victims clothes. Lindsay carefully watched Stella as she approached and had to wonder if someone had sucked all the personality out of the woman. There was no welcoming smile, no spark in her eyes.

Even Mac looked perturbed at Stella's character transformation.

"As you can see, we're looking to see if anything was left on the clothes of the victim," he explained.

"Right. Have they gone over anything else?" Stella asked in a flat tone.

Lindsay felt hurt and a quick glance at her husband confirmed Danny felt the same way. They were reduced to 'they.'

"Stella, are you alright?" Mac inquired kindly.

She gave him an affronted look. "I'm fine Mac."

"You're acting odd is all."

"I haven't noticed anything in Ms. Bonasera's behaviour," her assistant, Patrick, piped up.

Mac's eyes narrowed in on the Greek woman with sudden intuition. "Stella…who are these people working on the clothes?"

Stella turned to Lindsay and Danny, her frown deepening. "The man, his name is Danny. And the woman is Lisa."

Lindsay felt like someone had just given her a blow to the head. How could Stella completely forget her name? She felt her throat constrict, suddenly unable to breathe, and put down the evidence as carefully as possible. Then, without a word, she turned and stalked out, hurrying away from the room as over four years of friendship was just flushed down the tubes.

* * *

She took a deep breath as she recalled the incident.

Everything about Stella was off. It was like meeting a stranger, not someone she had spent many nights talking on the phone about anything and everything.

Finally collecting herself, Lindsay went back down to the lab. As much as this had dragged her down, she wouldn't allow it to keep her away from her work. Her time for self pity was over.

She headed to her office first, hoping to cover her emotions in the process. It surprised her to see Stella sitting in the guest chair, gazing in her direction – waiting for her.

'_Grow a spine Messer,'_ Lindsay thought to herself, and entered her office, nodding to the seated woman. "Stella," she murmured.

Stella hesitated before saying softly, "I'm sorry Lindsay. I forgot your name."

"Obviously," Lindsay said bitterly. Stella looked contrite so she added, "You've changed. What happened to my friend that left New Orleans for a better life?"

Stella shifted uncomfortably. "A lot of things," she finally offered after a few moments of silence. "I never _meant_ to forget your name. I remember your faces. Just not the names. Not what we meant to each other."

Anger burst from Lindsay as she demanded, "How can you forget friendship? You've known Mac since forever and today you treated him like an acquaintance!" She almost regretted her outburst at the Grecian woman's guilty expression but pressed, "If nothing else, tell me how you can just forget everything about the city you grew up in?"

"You honestly want to know?"

"You owe it to me, to all of us Stella."

Stella leaned back in the chair, a quiet sigh of obligation escaping from her. "Fine. I wanted to. That's the short answer," she said honestly, ignoring Lindsay's shock. "I was at my breaking point when I left here. All my life I felt like the city was trying to bend me, testing how far I would go until I broke. The amount of times I've been assaulted on duty, almost killed, not to mention my stalker boyfriends whose names I'm not going to mention because it'll bring up the memories again, and seeing everyone that I cared about die or almost die…it was getting to be too much. I've almost lost Mac ten times. Danny, Adam, Don, Sid, Hawkes, you, Aiden, Kosta, Angell, Marina Garito, either dead or close to it…every time this happens it's left a deeper mark and when I left for New Orleans I let my new life and job consume me so I wouldn't have to think about New York. It worked – as you saw today when I couldn't remember your name. I can't even remember where I lived when I was here."

Lindsay felt an overwhelming amount of pity for Stella at her bitter and heartbroken words. "Why didn't you let us help you Stella?" she asked gently.

"What was the point? I'd still be here, reminded of all my failures, all the death. No, moving away was the only solution. I had to do what was right for me. This city made me tired. I no longer loved life here," Stella replied, slowly closing off again. It was like she was pulling a mask over her face and the blank, impersonal Stella was back. "I tramped all this down. It's going to remain that way. Unless it's for a case, I'm never coming back here. And you can tell that to the others."

She stood gracefully and walked out without even a glance back, leaving Lindsay in her chair. Any positive thought of her old friend was ripped out of her heart and replaced with a cold sense of sympathy and sorrow. The Stella they knew was gone. New York had broken her and taken her away.

This stark truth hit Lindsay when her traitorous tears finally broke through the barrier and slipped down her face.

* * *

**A/N: How did this feel for you guys? Reviews are always appreciated. **


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